‘Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.’
So says James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, a book all about embedding good habits and getting rid of bad ones. This book is a mile away from woo woo, belonging on the oh-so-manly ‘personal development’ shelf rather than the girly self-help one: its reviews are full of words like ‘practical’, ‘useful’ ‘focus’ and ‘accomplish’. (It’s also sold more than 10 million copies, an average of one copy every 15 seconds since it was published – you’d hope it’s useful!)
Clear was talking about change – how to do it, how to make it stick, how to work out what you wanted to become – in a fascinating conversation on the Tim Ferriss Show. The two-hour chat (!) was less about the nitty gritty ‘how’ of habit building and more about the why: the background reasons why you need to build habits in the first place. And the short answer is: you build habits to reduce friction so the things you want to encourage become easier to do. For example, if you want to build an exercise habit, it’s a lot more likely to happen if you pick something you like doing, have company/accountability, a regular time planned, and your gear all laid out, rather than just starting each day planning to fit in some form of exercise.
But behind this common-sense response is a teetering pick-up stick pile of questions waiting to collapse: what do you want to encourage? How do you know? Why do you want to do it? Is it worth it?
Throughout the podcast, the questions were carefully cleared, until it slowly became obvious that the stripy stick buried at the bottom of the pile was this nugget: what kind of person do you want to become? Because if you don’t know where you want to go, there’s not much point building the habits to get you there.
Which is where it got really interesting, and also a lot simpler than that rather scary question. Because what James suggested is that it doesn’t have to be overwhelming; rather it is about providing small answers to this question and turning them into action, over and over again, each one building on the next, as you work out the next step. For example, if you want to become the kind of person who doesn’t miss an exercise session, it’s pretty clear what to do – you turn up to every single one, and soon you are that person who’s out there, rain, hail or shine. If you’re aiming to be a kind person, start smiling a lot, offer help where you can, make time and connections. The point is to let your actions provide definition, momentum and direction.
This idea of action being the thing that drives personal change was a bit of a switch for me but makes sense: if you have an internal empathy explosion but don’t put this compassion into action, you’re no closer to kindness than you were before. Deciding you’re going to run four days a week doesn’t make you fitter or healthier than blissfully snoozing – it’s the doing that counts. This contrasts with what I’ve assumed, without thinking about it too much: that it’s a person’s values and beliefs that lead change, informing both their actions and the results.
Clear sums up the importance of actions well: ‘The trajectory of your life bends in the direction of your habits…and comes back to consistency. It comes back to doing small things well each day, trying to live one good day, and then waking up again tomorrow and doing the same thing.’
So if the solution is action, where to begin?
Decide on what kind of person you want to be, just on a small scale. Completing Clear’s sentence is a good start: ‘I’m the kind of person who…’ And then put the results into action, making it as easy as possible for yourself along the way. For example, if your sentence ends ‘is creative every day’, carve out specific times and spaces, gather materials and friends, sign up to a class or an online challenge - do whatever works as motivation to begin, and then keeps you going.
And smooth the way however you can: sign up for an event so you’ve got external pressure and a deadline; join a group; do it with a friend who you won’t let down. Even the first step of finding out information is powerful: there’s a big difference between thinking ‘beach volleyball looks amazing’ and knowing that training is on from 6.30-7.30 this Tuesday at Manly Beach and you’re welcome to join. It’s all about small steps, and lots of them.
Lowering standards = good
I loved Richard Glover’s article suggesting that lowering your standards was a good way to save time, claw back leisure time and become happier along the way. Personally, I regard overlooking my unspotless house as an effortless way to save myself a couple of hours. And it’s not like an immaculate house makes me happier – often it just makes me more precious about dirty shoes and dishes and random Band-Aids in the shower, and less able to enjoy the presence of the mobile mess-makers that are my family.
As a general rule, there’s an inverse relationship between my happiness and the state of my house: if it becomes unusually, inexplicably clean, there’s usually an internal mess lurking below the surface shine. And I don’t think I’m alone: my hunch is that, as satisfying as a deep-cleaned kitchen can be, there’s more behind the rise in standards. Time spent tending to surfaces not only makes things look good, but also gives the illusion that you’re in control – you (and everyone) can admire the beautiful order you’ve created; the sparkle you’ve brought forth. Having something you need to do (like cleaning, renovating, organising) also takes the pressure away from thinking about what you actually want. It allows you to enjoy the temporary satisfaction of a job well done, rather than diving into the murky waters of discovering what might bring you longer-lasting contentment, purpose and joy.
The Matildas also = good
The Women’s World Cup has been amazing. Who could have imagined that an Australian women’s sporting team would be the main topic of news and conversation, lead to the Prime Minister promising public holidays, and the entire country stopping for a few hours to transform into a giant Matildas cheerleading squad. But what a tournament, what an expression of equality in action: for the last few weeks it’s been easy to imagine the seismic difference it’s going to make to the future dreams, ambitions, diversity, body image and sense of equality of girls across the country. As always, time will tell.
Fingers crossed.